Where to turn?

Hello! I am back! Did you miss me? ;)

It has been a few weeks since I have sat down and opened up this blog. I have missed it. It somehow has become a friend to me. If that makes sense? I feel as if this blog holds many thoughts, conversations, and emotions just as a dear friend holds in their heart for you...

We have been SO good here on our end. Oakley is growing and changing everyday! He talks so much and is developing such a sweet, silly personality. I just love him. I love all the little moments we share as a family. From the morning routine of getting ready to head out the door for the day, to the lazy evenings of playing with his trucks on the floor. It all is priceless in my heart.

So, when I ponder on what to talk about today - I get overwhelmed. Do you ever get overwhelmed by just "thinking" and not "doing" anything? I feel as though I always have like 100,000 thoughts running through my head at once, that I TRY and stop and just live in that moment before it passes. Lately, I think Barry and I have had more thoughts than ever running through our minds and our hearts. Oakley is growing and changing and we are beginning to get baby fever! Not going to lie! It's true! :) This blog is real. I am real with you!

But with that, comes many prayers. Many thoughts. Many conversations with one another and with God. Many tears. Many emotions. It just ain't easy. But it is the truth. It is our new reality as a couple on where to turn next! ;)

I want to share a little story with you as a side note before we continue on...

  Last week Barry, Oakley and I were in a local business. A woman walks up to us and comments on how big Oakley is getting and how cute he is. We say, "Thank you!" But the woman continues... Her next question is "Where did you get him?" At first, I was like... "Excuse me?" And then I thought, "Um, from God?" But then she continued to say... "Like from what state? I have two adopted grandchildren and one is from Texas and one is from Florida." I didn't know what to say to her. It was sort of an abrupt thing to ask. I just can't imagine asking all the other mother's out there "Where did you get him/her from?" As if you went to the store and picked him/her out. You were GIVEN this child to love. End of story. This woman then continued to say..."Ya, adoption is a neat thing when you can't have regular children - OF YOUR OWN." 

This was a learning moment for me as a mom. I don't' really know how much more REAL and OF MY OWN, Oakley can be? He has MY heart. He has ALL MY love. He has MY soul....

I have been praying about this lately, and about these little types of moments. I ask questions to God, such like "How can You use me, to open their eyes?" How can You use me, to open their hearts?" I so badly wanted to say something back to that woman, but I didn't have the right thing to say at that moment.

I believe God has given me a new heart within the last 2 years. I feel that I had a good heart that could love and be loved. Then that heart was shattered and broken and a few pieces went off to heaven to be with my boys. But THEN, God gave me a new, shiny, radiant, glowing heart. THIS heart is whole. This heart can love WAY more than I ever knew was possible. This heart can look beyond the DNA. This heart can look beyond where you were formed. This heart looks at your soul and at your heart.... It is the best NEW heart I could ever imagine.

I am so blessed that God GAVE Oakley to us. I thank Him for opening my heart to love a child that may or may not have my DNA. I understand that not everyone can do that. I have had people say that to me... I can't imagine my life any other way.

As we pray and navigate on where He will lead us to next, I pray. I pray that He will GIVE us our next infant to love and BE OUR OWN. No matter where he/she comes to us from. That part doesn't matter, to me. And I will continue to pray that others eyes and hearts will be open the beautiful world that we now live in.

Blessings.

Sarah