For Unto Us...

  Does it seem like just yesterday we were planning and preparing to start the holiday season of 2011-2012 and here we are a whole year later...? Time really does fly and I swear it goes faster all the time. As we ready our homes, prepare all the food for parties, and start the gift buying and gift making extravaganzas - it all gets to be so much sometimes that we lose sight of what we are even preparing for...
  Just yesterday I came across our saved Christmas letter that we sent out to our family and friends last year. That letter, I have saved on our computer as well as printed out and saved in a special place. That letter holds many emotions and memories to me. A snipit of the letter is as follows:

Warm wishes from our home to yours,
    We hope this letter finds you and your loved ones in good health and holiday spirits as we eagerly await this Christmas season for the birth of the Christ child. As it is written in Isaiah 9:6  “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given…“And as we sit down to write this letter, our arms and our hearts are warmed with the love from a little miracle. For unto us a child was born, a son was given and we have named him Oakley John. Our prayers were answered in a very special way this year as God had a very special plan for us. Our little Oakley was born August 20, 2011.....

  Growing up, I eagerly anticipated receiving letters and pictures from our family and friends. I would read them and re-read them over the holiday season. As a young girl, I would dream about taking that fun Christmas card picture with my future family and write those special letters to send out. Well, after Barry and I got married we sent out our very first picture and letter and it was special.  I have also kept that one. But, that was the only one sent until last year. For the last 3 years, I couldn't luster up enough words to write a letter or send a picture of just Barry and I.  I so badly wanted that picture to include our family that we longed for.
  I can remember those holiday seasons after losing Tanner and Hudson and Barry and I would go to the cemetery where they are buried. And as we drove there, and we would listen to Christmas music such as "Silent Night" or "Away in a Manger", I just would think of my little babies and weep. It never gets easier. And I can remember standing at there grave with snow on the ground and whispering to Barry, "Isn't there a feeling of "being complete" when we come here? We are all together?" After losing our boys, I always felt their presence there at that place and I would feel so calm and whole. Now, I can feel them with me wherever I go. But especially at the holiday time, I felt them there. 
  Well, last year was so special for Barry and I as we finally got to send out that holiday picture and that letter sharing the good news. The news that a child was born! And a son was given! :) Such a special Christmas it was and always will be. And we are looking forward to this one and the ones to come.
  But.... as I type that very paragraph and feel my heart warm from the inside as it is whole now, I can't forget for one instant all the mothers and fathers in waiting or longing; that will long for that baby again at this Christmas season. As the Christmas tunes begin to play in the stores and the gifts begin to be bought, I try and say a special prayer for all those mothers and fathers as they wait their turn. I would invite each and every one of you to do the same this holiday season. As the holiday are so special to each and every one of us, we always need to pray for the others whose hearts are longing for something.
  My prayer tonight and for the season ahead is that we will all feel the love of the Christ child in our hearts and in our actions. That we will never forget the true meaning of Christmas and remember that tiny baby Jesus who came to this world to save each and every one of us. My prayer is that all those mothers and fathers will trust in the baby Jesus again this year and that His good news and blessings will surround them in the year to come.
  I will end with the last few lines from our Christmas letter from last year...

Blessings.

Sarah

  We hope during this blessed season you are surrounded with love and wonder as we anticipate our Christ’s birth. There is no greater love than His, and we have felt His love this blessed year with our little miracle Oakley. May the miracle of Christmas fill your hearts with warmth and love.





 

On the road...

  I drive a lot. When I say a lot,  I mean every single day. Some days my distance is small, such as 25 miles one way. And other days my distance is big, such as 80 miles one way. I work as a therapist in the school setting. I travel to area schools to offer Occupational Therapy to students. And I have found a great love and joy in driving.

  Some may think, "Ugh, I would hate to have to commute to work every single day." But, I have found so many sweet blessings that come along with that part of my job. Let me enlighten you all. The first perk of the commuting is me time. This time is directly entitled to me, myself and I. I have found great joy in that time to reflect on the day and drink my coffee ;). The second perk would be the morning sunrises. Some people never leave their homes during the day and miss out on one of God's first blessings of the day. When I see and feel that warmth from the rising sun, I know that He has blessed us with another day to shine our selves. The third perk would be my endless array of changing scenery. Daily my scenery changes from interstate roads to gravel roads. From cornfields to lakes. From rain to snow. My "office on wheels" has great views! ;) The fourth and biggest perk I would say about my commuting for work would be my time with God. I have found Him to be everywhere I look for Him. He is in the music that I listen to on my radio, the sun that I watch rise, the rain on my windshield, the cow in the pasture, and the leading hand in my every move. Pretty amazing job, huh?

  I have found my most healing moments in my life's journey have been on the road. I have cried tears of sadness and wonder. Prayed as I reflected on where He was taking me. Spoke words out loud to God and asked Him many questions as if He was riding in the seat next to me. As well as sang out in worship and prayer. All while in my "office on wheels!"  I honestly look forward to that part of my day because it has been such a life changing part to my healing.

  I can remember driving on Hwy 25, en route to Willow Lake, SD a couple years back. I can remember distinctly the song that was on the radio. It was "Before The Morning" by Josh Wilson. It happened to be on my morning commute. I can remember hearing it for the first time and thinking that those words were God's words to me. I have found that correlation so much in the music that I tune into daily. Do you do that? It often happens when you are searching for the words to say and then, there they are! I have a goofy memory in the fact that I can hear a song and remember where I was when I heard it, or what I was thinking as I heard it, and so on. And I sometimes think that if I didn't drive so much, I wouldn't get the opportunity to hear so many of these wonderful songs. I often sing songs and drive and almost feel as though those words are my words in prayer. Such a powerful, wonderful thing.

  As I count my commuting as a blessing in my daily "job", I also have found another direct companion to that blessing and that is time with God. Do you make time for God? Or do you have time set aside for Him? I have come to realize that my time with God is during that commuting time... As I have illustrated above, it has and is such a blessing and a sweet adventure in my life to know Him and to feel His love and presence in my life. I haven't always made time for Him, or seen that time as important, but through my path and struggles I have found it to be healing, meaningful, wonderful, and gratifying.

 Life is busy...  Try and take a minute each day and talk to Him. He is there. Waiting. Listening.

Blessings.

Sarah

  

Our Gift

Dear Oakley,

  You are such a gift in our eyes. We loved you before you were even here... We had prayed out to God to bless us with a child to love and you were that miracle and answer to those many prayers. We find it amazing the amount of love we have for you. God sure blessed Mommy and Daddy, in giving you to us.

  As we watched you come into this world and take your first breathe, it took our breathe away. We never imagined we could love someone so much, so fast, and so strong. Moments after you were born, we held you close and it was an instant bond. You snuggled right in and we held you close. You are so beautiful inside and out.  It was as if "when you were born, you were the missing piece to our puzzle."

  You have been such a joy to watch grow and change over the last 14+ months. We have rejoiced in every single milestone! As we eagerly awaited for God to bless us with you, we looked forward to all the "little" moments of being a Mommy and a Daddy to you. We anticipated all the firsts... first bath, first late night feeding, first giggle and coo, first time rolling over, first time sitting up, first time crawling, first taste of baby food, first holiday, first vacation... and so on. We had waited so long for you! We love your little belly laughs and your sweet , 8 toothed grin when you get into something that you think you probably shouldn't have...

  We love to watch you and imagine what you thinking. You are so fearless. You are so happy and healthy. You are so easy-going and sweet. You are one of a kind, that is for sure. We feel so honored and blessed for you to call us Mommy and Daddy and we strive everyday to love you more and to speak Jesus' name into your heart as He is the reason we have each other.

  Never forget little one how much we love you and are proud to call you our son!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Prayer. Changes. Me.

As I log into the site here tonight and while I ponder where the Holy Spirit will take us to, all that I can see in my mind and in my heart are three words. Prayer. Changes. Me.

"Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Prayer has become one of the sweetest adventures of my life. I believe with all my heart that prayer really does change things. Prayer has changed me. As I praise God, my burdens are lifted. The burdens themselves may not change, but they're transferred from my shoulders to God's. As I unload my worries and my cares on Him, I can almost sense His presence and strength with me. As I confess my sins, I know He forgives me.

As a woman, who is also a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, co-worker, believer... I know that I cannot fullfill all of these roles and fill all of these shoes alone. I rely heavily on Him for guidance and faithfulness. In the big moments as well as the small.

Just recently I was talking to my mom on the telephone and I was in tears. I was emotional at the fact that I sometimes feel as though I am having to read God's mind. Have you ever felt that way? I often become anxious at the fact that expanding our family is so non-traditional. We are not the "norm." We are faced with decisions to make and difficult ones at that.  I am okay with not being the "norm", but I often try and sit back and guess where He will take us next. I should say, that with time, prayer, and healing I am okay with not being the "norm." There is anything I would give to be able to have a healthy baby with my husband, naturally. But I am placing my trust in Him, and choosing to believe that He has a plan and a purpose for us.

I explained to my mom that I know that thus far in my life's story that I have not written the story, He has. There has been times that I thought I was writing it, only to find out that I surely wasn't. He was and is.

We talked in detail about the chapters of life we have read and lived thus far.  About how amazing they are and how we never would have included all the added details to the story, but now that we have read it and know it, it is all good and makes sense. We reflected on the emotions of when you are in the middle of a chapter and anticipating what is about to come. As well as when you are about to turn a page and to keep your eyes open and your heart eager!

As we ended our phone call that day I prayed. And again, prayer changed me. I had this peace come to me. This peace that I could feel in my heart. It is a peace that I have come to know. I choose to believe that I will cast all my cares over to Him, for He cares for me and will lead us into the next chapter. :) Prayers appreciated always.

Blessings.

Sarah