Good day everyone!
As I reflect and just savor in this crisp, fall weather that we are having here in South Dakota, I just thank God that we have this season. I love it for so many REASONS! From the changing leaves, to the apple and pumpkin picking, to the tastes and smells of this wonderful season! I am glad I live in the Midwest where we have such a beautiful time of year.
Seasons around here - come and go. Some last WAY to long and others are cut short, but all in all they are all here for some amount of time and we are all thankful for each one in its own special way.
With that reflection of "seasons of weather" makes me think of "seasons of life". It amazes me to think of how fast the seasons of weather happen and also the seasons of life. If life had a pause button, I think I may just press it. I am just loving this season of life we are in. Barry and I frequently look to one another in wonderment of the little man that our 2 year old son Oakley has become. He is always learning and talking. The other day he brought out his favorite book from when he was tiny. The book is a Baby Einstein book that is currently in 3 parts, as we have read it so many times that the binding is gone. Here was our little baby, reading this book to US! It was such a cool moment in our parenting journey. He was pointing to all the pictures and naming things from a peacock to a robot! Blew my mind! :) But I was oh so proud of him!
Another moment that made my heart just smile was another "Oakley-ism". We were driving in the car, just him and I. We were traveling to daycare as we normally do during the week. On our morning commutes, Oakley talks the entire time. I just love it. He tells me about the corn field and the soybean field, the church that we pass, the stoplights that we stop at and which color light we wait for before we GO, and we count how many school buses we pass before we make it to our final destination. Well, one day in particular he was quite. And so was I. We both must have just been pondering life. When from the back seat a little voice pipes up and says, "Don't worry, mommy." I looked up and looked back at him and he was just looking at me with his big blue eyes and smiling. I smiled right back with a little tear in my eye and said, "I won't, baby."
This little man has taught me more in his first 2 years of life than I would ever imagined. Here he was just watching me from a distance and thought to say those words. It made me realize that there is really NOTHING to worry about in life. God will provide for all that we need. Always. I have prayed for that very thing, to not worry many times in the last years. It amazes me that in this season of life that our little son has such a big heart and is wise beyond his years.
It is easy to worry and to anticipate the unknown in fear. But I try to just savor in this moment, this season if you will. When worry or fear seem to cloud my vision I often try and look to Barry and Oakley as they are in my present moment and they are all I need. I then pray. I often visualize Jesus in the season or moment of life that I am worried about. He is always there. He goes before us. He is always with us. So comforting to know that he will never leave us. Even more comforting that a cozy sweater on a fall day! :)
Blessings.
Sarah
Monday, October 28, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Mold Me and Make Me
Hello everyone! :)
Long time! I am happy to have logged back into the blog today and have a few moments to reflect and write a little. I have been meaning to get on and update you all as well as share all the wonderful things that God has been doing in our lives, but life is busy and I just didn't have the time. But today is the day!
So, where do I begin?
Well, I will just jump right into it! Barry and I are pleased to announce that we are expecting a miracle baby! This baby is due on March 4, 2014. We had quite the summer with appointments to ready our minds and my body to prepare for this exciting time! We prayed each step of the way as that is the only thing we know how to do. We never doubted God's plan, His timing or His grace... we just trusted and believed that THIS was what He was calling us to do. And boy! Are we sure happy with His answer to our prayer as well as His faithfulness to us.
This pregnancy has been absolutely amazing. We found out that we were blessed again, on June 20, 2013. It was a day I will never forget. It felt so surreal to be in that moment of life again. But the thrill and the excitement hasn't worn off, at all. We are still amazed and in awe of this little life and the little person that will become Oakley's brother or sister. It truly makes my eyes water and my heart beat a little faster as I anticipate this next chapter.
One part of the pregnancy journey I want to touch on today is the beauty of my changing figure. I have always said, that there is nothing more beautiful than an expectant mother. I have always loved being pregnant and embracing my new body.
I recall a moment that seems like yesterday, but it was in fact June 30, 2010. That morning was the morning that Barry and I had to travel to Sioux Falls so that I could be induced to deliver our Hudson Daniel. It was a day I will never forget. I distinctly remember getting out of bed and undressing to get in the shower. Our bathroom is right off our bedroom. Barry was still in bed, but I was up. I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror, just sobbing as I look at my beautiful reflection. I wanted to stay in that moment forever as I wanted so badly to keep Hudson with me and in me forever. I can recall opening the bathroom door and calling to Barry. I would say to him... "Look and remember this body. This will be the last time we will see me pregnant... " Those words and the thoughts that ran through my head that day were so bittersweet.
Little did I know that day, that God would bless us once again. Three years of steady prayer and thanksgiving has led us to where we are today. As soon as we found out that God had blessed us, once again, my heart just overflowed with joy! I never thought that this day would come again for us.
As we began the journey of this pregnancy we embraced and glorified God in all of it. Through the weekly appointments at the beginning, to the hundreds of ultrasounds to follow as well as routine labs, we took each one with open arms and savored in each moment. As we pray daily for this little miracle baby as well as our miracle son Oakley, we can almost feel God's grace surround us and hold us through this chapter of life.
As my little tummy has begun to grow, and grow some more we are amazed with the miracle of life inside of me. We are thoroughly enjoying this special time in our lives and God is healing our hearts once again with His blessings.
Blessings.
Sarah
Long time! I am happy to have logged back into the blog today and have a few moments to reflect and write a little. I have been meaning to get on and update you all as well as share all the wonderful things that God has been doing in our lives, but life is busy and I just didn't have the time. But today is the day!
So, where do I begin?
Well, I will just jump right into it! Barry and I are pleased to announce that we are expecting a miracle baby! This baby is due on March 4, 2014. We had quite the summer with appointments to ready our minds and my body to prepare for this exciting time! We prayed each step of the way as that is the only thing we know how to do. We never doubted God's plan, His timing or His grace... we just trusted and believed that THIS was what He was calling us to do. And boy! Are we sure happy with His answer to our prayer as well as His faithfulness to us.
This pregnancy has been absolutely amazing. We found out that we were blessed again, on June 20, 2013. It was a day I will never forget. It felt so surreal to be in that moment of life again. But the thrill and the excitement hasn't worn off, at all. We are still amazed and in awe of this little life and the little person that will become Oakley's brother or sister. It truly makes my eyes water and my heart beat a little faster as I anticipate this next chapter.
One part of the pregnancy journey I want to touch on today is the beauty of my changing figure. I have always said, that there is nothing more beautiful than an expectant mother. I have always loved being pregnant and embracing my new body.
I recall a moment that seems like yesterday, but it was in fact June 30, 2010. That morning was the morning that Barry and I had to travel to Sioux Falls so that I could be induced to deliver our Hudson Daniel. It was a day I will never forget. I distinctly remember getting out of bed and undressing to get in the shower. Our bathroom is right off our bedroom. Barry was still in bed, but I was up. I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror, just sobbing as I look at my beautiful reflection. I wanted to stay in that moment forever as I wanted so badly to keep Hudson with me and in me forever. I can recall opening the bathroom door and calling to Barry. I would say to him... "Look and remember this body. This will be the last time we will see me pregnant... " Those words and the thoughts that ran through my head that day were so bittersweet.
Little did I know that day, that God would bless us once again. Three years of steady prayer and thanksgiving has led us to where we are today. As soon as we found out that God had blessed us, once again, my heart just overflowed with joy! I never thought that this day would come again for us.
As we began the journey of this pregnancy we embraced and glorified God in all of it. Through the weekly appointments at the beginning, to the hundreds of ultrasounds to follow as well as routine labs, we took each one with open arms and savored in each moment. As we pray daily for this little miracle baby as well as our miracle son Oakley, we can almost feel God's grace surround us and hold us through this chapter of life.
As my little tummy has begun to grow, and grow some more we are amazed with the miracle of life inside of me. We are thoroughly enjoying this special time in our lives and God is healing our hearts once again with His blessings.
Blessings.
Sarah
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Words On My Heart
"Mom."
"Dad."
"Grandma."
"Grandpa."
"Lexi."
"Elmo."
"Uh-Oh."
"Juice."
"Yummy."
"Potty."
"Thank-you."
"Good Night"
"Good Morning."
"Bless you."
"Love You!"
"Amen."
Simple words? Yes. Music to my ears? Absolutely. These words are just a few of Oakley's words in his variety of his every growing vocabulary. He speaks all the time and is picking up on conversation and new phrases every day. It is so fun and amazing to see his little mind at work. It really puts a smile on my face just to hear his sweet little voice and all the little words he learns everyday.
It seems like yesterday that he was cooing and just beginning to smile occasionally to now speaking and voicing his wants. I love it.
Speaking of voicing "wants." I want to share a little something.
For the last week or so I have had something happen to me. I find it comforting, and yet surreal. So, for some reason for the last few nights, I have been very restless. I am not sure why, but I am. But when I awake, I find something rather interesting happen. When I wake, and in the silence of the night, I hear something. That something is my voice. And that voice is silent. That voice is the voice inside my head. That voice awakens me from my deep sleep. This voice is speaking. This voice is speaking its wants and desires to Him. To God. To Heaven.
For the last few nights, when I awake during the night I am "mid-prayer." I am praying while I sleep. I am speaking the words in my heart to Him. I can't even descirbe it. I find my heart content and my soul happy, but I am speaking to God while I sleep rather. I can almost decribe the prayers when I awake, but yet I am so comforted by the thought of it, that I drift back to sleep.
Sounds a little crazy, right?
I had to share this with Barry the first morning after it happened, just becuase it was something that has never happened to me.
For the last 4 1/2 years, when I lay in bed and begin to fall asleep, I pray. I started this routine faithfully following Tanner's death. I would whisper in the silence of my heart to heaven and "talk" to Tanner and to Jesus. It instantly gave me comfort and hope. I have only continued this routine every night as well as many times throughout my days.
I have had a lot on my heart lately. I know that is why I pray without ceasing, even while I sleep. He knows the words that I say, even when I cannot find the words to speak to Him.
The words on my heart and the words on my lips I want them all to be pleasing and glorifying to Him. I want to not only speak but to listen. I want always to praise Him and thank Him. I want to do nothing more than to listen and obey.
Speaking. Listening. Praying. Believing.
Blessings.
Sarah
"Dad."
"Grandma."
"Grandpa."
"Lexi."
"Elmo."
"Uh-Oh."
"Juice."
"Yummy."
"Potty."
"Thank-you."
"Good Night"
"Good Morning."
"Bless you."
"Love You!"
"Amen."
Simple words? Yes. Music to my ears? Absolutely. These words are just a few of Oakley's words in his variety of his every growing vocabulary. He speaks all the time and is picking up on conversation and new phrases every day. It is so fun and amazing to see his little mind at work. It really puts a smile on my face just to hear his sweet little voice and all the little words he learns everyday.
It seems like yesterday that he was cooing and just beginning to smile occasionally to now speaking and voicing his wants. I love it.
Speaking of voicing "wants." I want to share a little something.
For the last week or so I have had something happen to me. I find it comforting, and yet surreal. So, for some reason for the last few nights, I have been very restless. I am not sure why, but I am. But when I awake, I find something rather interesting happen. When I wake, and in the silence of the night, I hear something. That something is my voice. And that voice is silent. That voice is the voice inside my head. That voice awakens me from my deep sleep. This voice is speaking. This voice is speaking its wants and desires to Him. To God. To Heaven.
For the last few nights, when I awake during the night I am "mid-prayer." I am praying while I sleep. I am speaking the words in my heart to Him. I can't even descirbe it. I find my heart content and my soul happy, but I am speaking to God while I sleep rather. I can almost decribe the prayers when I awake, but yet I am so comforted by the thought of it, that I drift back to sleep.
Sounds a little crazy, right?
I had to share this with Barry the first morning after it happened, just becuase it was something that has never happened to me.
For the last 4 1/2 years, when I lay in bed and begin to fall asleep, I pray. I started this routine faithfully following Tanner's death. I would whisper in the silence of my heart to heaven and "talk" to Tanner and to Jesus. It instantly gave me comfort and hope. I have only continued this routine every night as well as many times throughout my days.
I have had a lot on my heart lately. I know that is why I pray without ceasing, even while I sleep. He knows the words that I say, even when I cannot find the words to speak to Him.
The words on my heart and the words on my lips I want them all to be pleasing and glorifying to Him. I want to not only speak but to listen. I want always to praise Him and thank Him. I want to do nothing more than to listen and obey.
Speaking. Listening. Praying. Believing.
Blessings.
Sarah
Sunday, March 17, 2013
The Good in Challenges
Happy Sunday everyone!
It is a blustery day here in South Dakota. I am sitting by the space heater and soothed by the hum that it creates. I am sipping on some coffee and just soaking in this free time. Oakley is napping and Barry is watching the race and so this just seemed to be the perfect opportunity to update the blog.
I have been asked numerous times over the last weeks if I have stopped blogging? Or if I was going to continue... and the answer is YES! I am going to continue and I am going to try my hardest to update more often. Life is simply busy. ;)
Not too much going on here at our house. We are all antsy for spring, that is for sure! Just moments before I sat down at the computer I received an Emergency Alert on my cell phone saying that we are in a Blizzard Warning! It seems like every Sunday for the last month or more we have had some weather roll in and create more wintery scenes all around us.
Earlier today I was reading some scripture and a verse just like hopped off the page and into my heart. The verse comes from the book of Job. Job and I have things in common and I have become very familiar with the book of Job. The verse is Job 33:14 "God always answers, one way or another, even when people don't recognize His presence." Pretty simple, yet pretty powerful stuff.
My whole life, thus far has been all about learning and believing. Learning to trust. Learning to recognize my inner strength. Trusting in my heart and in my self. Believing that my God is real and He is my Father in Heaven. So much learning has taken place, but yet so much more to come. We never stop.
Life brings challenges. Every path of life, that every soul walks, brings challenges. Every time I see and overcome a challenge I feel as though I move closer to the path that God is leading me to and that path is blessed with health, happiness, and His holiness. Such blessings have taught me there's value in challenges. For one thing, they help us discover or rediscover and look inside ourselves. When we face some overwhelming problems or when we're urgently trying to overcome something, we cry out to Him, begging Him to help us. And in response, as the friend of Job told his problem-prone pal, God will answer.
Truth is I haven't always had this outlook. The challenges of my life thus far, especially in the loss of our sons and in the pain of our fertility related future, have led me on a path and given me a new outlook. I view life completely different than I once did. I sometimes am shocked at how I once viewed what was important and meaningful. Now I am humbled and grateful for the new eyes He has given me. Eyes to look at life's big picture. Eyes to see Him in everyday things. And eyes to look forward to eternal life.
The apostle Paul instructed us to "be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens." We should be thankful for the challenges we encounter, because God may be using them to ultimately help us. As Job's friend also said, God may use our difficulties to "get out attention through pain." Job 33:19
When I pray, I pray for so many things as I am sure you do too. Prayer is a sacred vessel I believe that helps oneself have strength to face another day. To have faith to believe; no matter what challenges we will face, we will be held in His hands. When I look back at the path that my life has led me down and the prayers I have prayed, and the challenges I have been faced with, and the challenges we have yet to face I am fascinated at how the prayers that reflect those moments go. Does that make any sense? :)
God is good. Challenges are a part of life. God is here. Life is hard. He listens. He will answer. I believe. I am a believer. I know Him. He knows me. I will pray for you. Please pray for me. :)
Blessings.
Sarah
It is a blustery day here in South Dakota. I am sitting by the space heater and soothed by the hum that it creates. I am sipping on some coffee and just soaking in this free time. Oakley is napping and Barry is watching the race and so this just seemed to be the perfect opportunity to update the blog.
I have been asked numerous times over the last weeks if I have stopped blogging? Or if I was going to continue... and the answer is YES! I am going to continue and I am going to try my hardest to update more often. Life is simply busy. ;)
Not too much going on here at our house. We are all antsy for spring, that is for sure! Just moments before I sat down at the computer I received an Emergency Alert on my cell phone saying that we are in a Blizzard Warning! It seems like every Sunday for the last month or more we have had some weather roll in and create more wintery scenes all around us.
Earlier today I was reading some scripture and a verse just like hopped off the page and into my heart. The verse comes from the book of Job. Job and I have things in common and I have become very familiar with the book of Job. The verse is Job 33:14 "God always answers, one way or another, even when people don't recognize His presence." Pretty simple, yet pretty powerful stuff.
My whole life, thus far has been all about learning and believing. Learning to trust. Learning to recognize my inner strength. Trusting in my heart and in my self. Believing that my God is real and He is my Father in Heaven. So much learning has taken place, but yet so much more to come. We never stop.
Life brings challenges. Every path of life, that every soul walks, brings challenges. Every time I see and overcome a challenge I feel as though I move closer to the path that God is leading me to and that path is blessed with health, happiness, and His holiness. Such blessings have taught me there's value in challenges. For one thing, they help us discover or rediscover and look inside ourselves. When we face some overwhelming problems or when we're urgently trying to overcome something, we cry out to Him, begging Him to help us. And in response, as the friend of Job told his problem-prone pal, God will answer.
Truth is I haven't always had this outlook. The challenges of my life thus far, especially in the loss of our sons and in the pain of our fertility related future, have led me on a path and given me a new outlook. I view life completely different than I once did. I sometimes am shocked at how I once viewed what was important and meaningful. Now I am humbled and grateful for the new eyes He has given me. Eyes to look at life's big picture. Eyes to see Him in everyday things. And eyes to look forward to eternal life.
The apostle Paul instructed us to "be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens." We should be thankful for the challenges we encounter, because God may be using them to ultimately help us. As Job's friend also said, God may use our difficulties to "get out attention through pain." Job 33:19
When I pray, I pray for so many things as I am sure you do too. Prayer is a sacred vessel I believe that helps oneself have strength to face another day. To have faith to believe; no matter what challenges we will face, we will be held in His hands. When I look back at the path that my life has led me down and the prayers I have prayed, and the challenges I have been faced with, and the challenges we have yet to face I am fascinated at how the prayers that reflect those moments go. Does that make any sense? :)
God is good. Challenges are a part of life. God is here. Life is hard. He listens. He will answer. I believe. I am a believer. I know Him. He knows me. I will pray for you. Please pray for me. :)
Blessings.
Sarah
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Where to turn?
Hello! I am back! Did you miss me? ;)
It has been a few weeks since I have sat down and opened up this blog. I have missed it. It somehow has become a friend to me. If that makes sense? I feel as if this blog holds many thoughts, conversations, and emotions just as a dear friend holds in their heart for you...
We have been SO good here on our end. Oakley is growing and changing everyday! He talks so much and is developing such a sweet, silly personality. I just love him. I love all the little moments we share as a family. From the morning routine of getting ready to head out the door for the day, to the lazy evenings of playing with his trucks on the floor. It all is priceless in my heart.
So, when I ponder on what to talk about today - I get overwhelmed. Do you ever get overwhelmed by just "thinking" and not "doing" anything? I feel as though I always have like 100,000 thoughts running through my head at once, that I TRY and stop and just live in that moment before it passes. Lately, I think Barry and I have had more thoughts than ever running through our minds and our hearts. Oakley is growing and changing and we are beginning to get baby fever! Not going to lie! It's true! :) This blog is real. I am real with you!
But with that, comes many prayers. Many thoughts. Many conversations with one another and with God. Many tears. Many emotions. It just ain't easy. But it is the truth. It is our new reality as a couple on where to turn next! ;)
I want to share a little story with you as a side note before we continue on...
Last week Barry, Oakley and I were in a local business. A woman walks up to us and comments on how big Oakley is getting and how cute he is. We say, "Thank you!" But the woman continues... Her next question is "Where did you get him?" At first, I was like... "Excuse me?" And then I thought, "Um, from God?" But then she continued to say... "Like from what state? I have two adopted grandchildren and one is from Texas and one is from Florida." I didn't know what to say to her. It was sort of an abrupt thing to ask. I just can't imagine asking all the other mother's out there "Where did you get him/her from?" As if you went to the store and picked him/her out. You were GIVEN this child to love. End of story. This woman then continued to say..."Ya, adoption is a neat thing when you can't have regular children - OF YOUR OWN."
This was a learning moment for me as a mom. I don't' really know how much more REAL and OF MY OWN, Oakley can be? He has MY heart. He has ALL MY love. He has MY soul....
I have been praying about this lately, and about these little types of moments. I ask questions to God, such like "How can You use me, to open their eyes?" How can You use me, to open their hearts?" I so badly wanted to say something back to that woman, but I didn't have the right thing to say at that moment.
I believe God has given me a new heart within the last 2 years. I feel that I had a good heart that could love and be loved. Then that heart was shattered and broken and a few pieces went off to heaven to be with my boys. But THEN, God gave me a new, shiny, radiant, glowing heart. THIS heart is whole. This heart can love WAY more than I ever knew was possible. This heart can look beyond the DNA. This heart can look beyond where you were formed. This heart looks at your soul and at your heart.... It is the best NEW heart I could ever imagine.
I am so blessed that God GAVE Oakley to us. I thank Him for opening my heart to love a child that may or may not have my DNA. I understand that not everyone can do that. I have had people say that to me... I can't imagine my life any other way.
As we pray and navigate on where He will lead us to next, I pray. I pray that He will GIVE us our next infant to love and BE OUR OWN. No matter where he/she comes to us from. That part doesn't matter, to me. And I will continue to pray that others eyes and hearts will be open the beautiful world that we now live in.
Blessings.
Sarah
It has been a few weeks since I have sat down and opened up this blog. I have missed it. It somehow has become a friend to me. If that makes sense? I feel as if this blog holds many thoughts, conversations, and emotions just as a dear friend holds in their heart for you...
We have been SO good here on our end. Oakley is growing and changing everyday! He talks so much and is developing such a sweet, silly personality. I just love him. I love all the little moments we share as a family. From the morning routine of getting ready to head out the door for the day, to the lazy evenings of playing with his trucks on the floor. It all is priceless in my heart.
So, when I ponder on what to talk about today - I get overwhelmed. Do you ever get overwhelmed by just "thinking" and not "doing" anything? I feel as though I always have like 100,000 thoughts running through my head at once, that I TRY and stop and just live in that moment before it passes. Lately, I think Barry and I have had more thoughts than ever running through our minds and our hearts. Oakley is growing and changing and we are beginning to get baby fever! Not going to lie! It's true! :) This blog is real. I am real with you!
But with that, comes many prayers. Many thoughts. Many conversations with one another and with God. Many tears. Many emotions. It just ain't easy. But it is the truth. It is our new reality as a couple on where to turn next! ;)
I want to share a little story with you as a side note before we continue on...
Last week Barry, Oakley and I were in a local business. A woman walks up to us and comments on how big Oakley is getting and how cute he is. We say, "Thank you!" But the woman continues... Her next question is "Where did you get him?" At first, I was like... "Excuse me?" And then I thought, "Um, from God?" But then she continued to say... "Like from what state? I have two adopted grandchildren and one is from Texas and one is from Florida." I didn't know what to say to her. It was sort of an abrupt thing to ask. I just can't imagine asking all the other mother's out there "Where did you get him/her from?" As if you went to the store and picked him/her out. You were GIVEN this child to love. End of story. This woman then continued to say..."Ya, adoption is a neat thing when you can't have regular children - OF YOUR OWN."
This was a learning moment for me as a mom. I don't' really know how much more REAL and OF MY OWN, Oakley can be? He has MY heart. He has ALL MY love. He has MY soul....
I have been praying about this lately, and about these little types of moments. I ask questions to God, such like "How can You use me, to open their eyes?" How can You use me, to open their hearts?" I so badly wanted to say something back to that woman, but I didn't have the right thing to say at that moment.
I believe God has given me a new heart within the last 2 years. I feel that I had a good heart that could love and be loved. Then that heart was shattered and broken and a few pieces went off to heaven to be with my boys. But THEN, God gave me a new, shiny, radiant, glowing heart. THIS heart is whole. This heart can love WAY more than I ever knew was possible. This heart can look beyond the DNA. This heart can look beyond where you were formed. This heart looks at your soul and at your heart.... It is the best NEW heart I could ever imagine.
I am so blessed that God GAVE Oakley to us. I thank Him for opening my heart to love a child that may or may not have my DNA. I understand that not everyone can do that. I have had people say that to me... I can't imagine my life any other way.
As we pray and navigate on where He will lead us to next, I pray. I pray that He will GIVE us our next infant to love and BE OUR OWN. No matter where he/she comes to us from. That part doesn't matter, to me. And I will continue to pray that others eyes and hearts will be open the beautiful world that we now live in.
Blessings.
Sarah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)