I would like to begin with a verse I find comforting and true to my life.
"My strength is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9
This past weekend my mom and I traveled to St. Paul, MN to attend a Women of Faith conference. We had both attended this conference last year and had such an amazing experience, that we made it a priority to go again this year. What a wonderful weekend it was! I am so blessed to have such a role model of a mom and also so fortunate to call her my closest friend. :)
While at the conference, I had so much on my heart and mind just reflecting back on my life and the paths I have traveled down. The weekend was filled with praise and worship music, ballet type dancing, heart felt amazing speakers, laughing, crying, and the list goes on and on... But what I kept thinking was, "Wow, 10,000+ women together in one place all for ONE reason. To sing, feel, and know Christ Jesus." So amazing it gives me chills. In this arena, that often has music concerts, sporting events, ect ...
As I sat and listened to the speakers, I loved them all. I honestly was touched my each one. But one inparticuar really touched me. She was at Women of Faith last year and I knew she would be coming back and I was so excited to hear her again. Her name is Angie Smith. If you have never heard of her, you need to. She has such a way about her that when she speaks and shares her story, it is from her inner most being and it feels like she is talking only to you. I just love listening to her.
Last year when she spoke, it was her first year on tour with WOF. She did a wonderful job and I immediately ran out and bought her book, "I Will Carry You." Last year, when I went out to the book sale I was holding the book and reading the back when another woman walked up and grabbed the same book and was looking at it also. My mom said to me, "She looks so familiar." I said, "Yes, she does." As we looked at each other we remembered, once again. It was my nurse from Sanford. Again, God would bring us together. We looked at each other and remembered all over again. Here we were crossing paths again, and I know God meant for us to meet. It was special, to say the least. We hugged and she asked, "How have you been?" I shared with her pictures of our sweet new baby Oakley. She was so happy for us. It was pretty amazing to run into such a special person.
Well, this year Angie's message hit home for me a few more ways. If you want to know her whole story you should check out her book, or you can You Tube her. But, we have something in common and that is the loss of a child. Angie and her husband Todd lost their beautiful baby girl Audrey. She shares her story in her book, "I Will Carry You." It's a must read.
Well, this year she talked about having a relationship with God. "That in life, when you are standing on the shore - we tend to know God, but when life is at its most difficult times - and we are in the ocean and in very deep... that is when we feel God." That is so true. I feel as though all my life I have known God to be around me, in front of me, beside me, above me, below me.... but NOW he is IN me. He is WITH me ALL the time.
As Angie spoke, she said "I know I am not alone when I share my story." She continued to share that when her Audrey was born, that she was told she wouldn't weigh very much as she wasn't growing like a "typical" baby would. Well, when Audrey was born, she weighed over 3 pounds. :) She said, "All I could think of was, my baby girl had weight in this world." How true. That was so touching to me. She then said, "If you feel so inclined to do so... If you have lost a baby, would you please stand up?" We want to pray for you and thank you for your children. That your beautiful babies also had weight in this world."
I was nervous, but I did it. I stood up. It was pretty intense to look around. There were hundreds of other women all standing there with tears rolling down. So amazing and heartfelt as we all had this in common. We never walk alone. We all have been down this path and we all know and love Him. He brought us all together. That is all I could think.
I believe the path my life has taken, has really brought me closer to God and I am eternally grateful. I often wonder who I would be today, if God had planned things differently. If I would love priase and worship music so much? If I would value my family as much? If I would be the kind of mom I am today? If I would ever have wanted to attend a Women of Faith conference? If I would pray and know Him on a first name basis? So many questions and thoughts... but in the end, I wouldn't change a thing from my story. It all has shaped me into who I am today.
I would give anything to have Tanner and Hudson here today to hold and kiss and watch grow before my eyes, but I believe and trust that God makes no mistakes and that we will be with one another in eternity. When I get to Heaven and see Jesus face to face, I will say to him.. "I hope I did alright?" And I hope he tells me, "You did." Then I will say, "Where are they?" and we will be together finally and forever. :)
Blessings.
Sarah
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